Tuesday, October 21, 2008

so far not good!!

Well, I would have to give myself an F for effort. Teehee. I sat up this account in hopes that I would be able to blog the great happenings of the Peterman family and have sat down to it only three times since my first post. This time and the two others I couldn't come up with anything to say. I really don't have much time to blog so this will be short. This has been a very emotional Tuesday for me and I am going to use this blog to try and sort out why so stay with me if you can handle the rambling or check out someone elses now. . .
So first on my list is my bathroom!!! Um let's see torn apart for just about 7 weeks now. At the last stages of putting it together and there are minor details that are makeing me crazy. For one I can't trim the door cause the vanity is too close to it and the bottom drawer(which was my favorite feature)does not allow for a trim if you want to open it. The second issue, my mirror is too big. I know measure things, but I didn't think about it and I fell in love with the mirror. The sad part is I on;y need to be able to move the light box up about 4 inches to hang the mirror where I desire it. I can hang it without moving but I would be much happier if it were moved and that's were Jer and I disagree. He would be happier to leave it.
Not sure what's second on my list I would like to say the political nonsense that has my stomach feeling sick everytime I turn my thoughts in that direction but I think I'm going to go with it's been 9 days since my last cigarette!! Yeah for me! This should be a good thing and I am sure come the end of the day I will be ecstatic that I have made it through yet another day. But at this moment in time the psychological release of stress that comes with that stupid habit would be nice. But only for the moment not for the eternity of my being. Which brings me to yet another thing bringing me down today.
Why is it so hard to give up the things you know you never should have gotten into. The things you picked up just because you could. I am currently working on one very obvious one that is easier for people to see or smell and am fearing the next sin. The drink!! It's so social and I am around many social drinkers including my husband often. I'm no alcoholic don't get me wrong, and I rarely drink to get drunk although it's caught me many times. I mostly fear that I will become a lame-o, a party pooper, someone my associates don't want to associate with. SO what's a person to do? Make new friends at a new place, like church. Oh wow, and give up lazy Sunday?!! I have so much work to do on my soul!! And my house!
SO another thing bringing me down is the filth that manages to comtinue accumulating in my house despite my best attempts to clean it. Who am I kidding I've been so listless lately it takes me forty minutes to turn on and only five to turn back off. So it's exhausting trying to coax yourself to do something you'd much rather not. Not to mention I seem to continually have extra children I suppose it's cause I stay at home with mine and have nothing better to do. Did you hear the sarcasm in that cause I was so typing with it turned up loud!! Ok so now you've heard me complain be thankful I didn't have much time to sit here. Maybe I'll continue another day or maybe I'll be happier and report on my family. Hope you all have a terrifying Halloween!

3 comments:

Amanda said...

Vent away, things can be hard at times, believe me I know. Today was a stressfull day for me as well and I just can't get out of the funk. I really dwell on the negative and one thing I always make Jeff or Ron do everytime they same something negative about someone or themselves is to make them say five nice things about the product of their negativity. I am sure you have five great things you can focus on. Oh and Jeff and I will be happy to help you move your light up, we have done it many times. We will be up for Thanksgiving, if you can wait that long. I know how it is, you work so hard, and you don't want to add one last project such as moving a light. Well, I love you little sister, you work hard and I can't imagine what it would be like to have to quit smoking. I would really love it if you could and I wish there was some way I could help. Hang in there, think of five great things about your "right now" and get some good sleep cause tomorrow is another day.

Jenni said...

Emily,
Since I am reading this a day later, maybe today you are feeling better since that is often how it works for me. I have days where I feel like everything is weighing down on me and it feels like I can never be happy again and then what do ya know I wake up feeling better. Sometimes I just have to remind myself of that and then give myself a day to mope, be depressed and feel sorry for myself and then get over it. I have been thinking about this a lot lately and I even did a blog about it a week or so ago but I just decided I need to focus more on my blessings and be grateful for what I have and think positively. I think how we feel is how we allow ourselves to feel. Turn your problems into positive things. For example focus on each baby step as you battle the cigarette. Be proud of every hour, every day and every week you go without one and don't think about the fact that you will never have one again. That is too daunting. And reward yourself, make a chart or something (seriously I know you are not 4 but it will help) that helps it be more visual and after every week reward yourself with a new shirt or earings or something. Focus on how strong you feel that you are fighting such a strong urge and if you have an oops don't beat yourself up, don't look at it as if you failed because that will just make you depressed which will make it hard not to keep the quitting up. Focus on the healing your body is doing, on how physical activity is getting easier and easier and the money you are saving! Anyway, I know it is hard. I can only imagine. Giving up meat was hard and I wasn't physically dependent on it. It will be truly a triumph to be proud of when you have fought this addiction.
Anyway, this all might be more annoying that motivating but I just want you to know that I think you can do it. I know the drinking is hard too when everyone around you is doing it and it is such a social part of your life. If the people you associate with don't want to associate with you when you are not drinking then honestly they are not the kind of people worth associating with. True friends would be happy and proud of you for making a positive change. Good luck with everything. If you ever need someone to talk to give me a call, I am one of those lame-o party poopers you are talking about. (Hehe) Love you Emily!

Brad said...

I am glad you are venting. Sometimes things seem to pile up. A couple of days ago every little project I worked...didn't work. I couldn't get a light properly installed, the garage door wasn't opening, my kids like to scream. Alex now loves to tell me (every night), "Go away dad. I no like you." Yeah, thats right, breaking her daddy's heart.

Anyway, hang in there Emily. You are dealing with things that can be overcome. There is nothing you can't do. Habits are tough to deal with because you can go weeks without succumbing and then in the blink of an eye you succumb and you feel that all is lost. I've been there to Emily.

I am looking forward to seeing you this Thanksgiving. We really love being around the family, even if we are party poopers. By the way, you should see how often I get invited to the bars with co-workers. I'm not worried about what they think because I have my convictions and that's that. You know you can call and talk anytime you want.

I love you little sis.

Bradly